It’s funny, for the last few days everyone I meet, have asked me about my New Year resolution. I do come up with a few while I respond, none of which are my actual resolutions. Most of you who know me will be surprised that, I in fact have a “wish list” of things that I have been maintaining for the past few years, which you could consider my resolution, but nothing specific to new years.
Today, when I returned home after an exhaustive day at work, I took a look at my “wish list” and something struck me….it was not a great feeling. I always complained that I have changed over the years from being a very spontaneous kid to a lot more thoughtful person. I started wondering what could have led to the changes. Could be work, life experiences or could even just be this “wish list” that I started maintaining. I was not sure, but it definitely made me look back to how I used to be.
As a kid, I remember myself being very spontaneous and being one the most talked about kids, reasonably popular for my witty “one liners”. While I grew, I more or less did whatever I wanted (thanks to very supportive parents, I know you guys will love to hear this). I never felt the need for anything, as I got things even before I needed. I remember getting an “Air Gun” on my birthday when I wished for a “Leo Gun” (I hope you know which one I am talking about). Wished for a regular bi-cycle and papa forced me to buy a racing bi-cycle. I probably was one of the first among my friends to have a bike, even before I thought of owning one. Ma asking me to change streams from science to commerce because she felt I was working too hard studying and not having enough time to play. I was surrounded with friends and always had something interesting to do. These things must have made me a little less ambitious as an 18 year old, assuming thing come very easily as it has in the past. I am not very sure how it felt at that point of time but it feels good thinking about it now.
I never felt the need to compete with others, which helped me evolve as a well wisher among friends. I had no sense of jealousy against others and I continued to do what I felt like, without much influences. However, during this period, I unconsciously started challenging myself with certain targets to achieve. It is during this time that I think I created the “wish list”. Little I realized that this “wish list” would drive my life and slowly the spontaneous kid transformed to a more thoughtful and calculative individual. I started having limited number of friends as I changed to a person without much expressions and sense of compromise, unconsciously focusing just on the goals I had set for myself.
I feel over the years, with these transformations, I have stopped appreciating new changes in life, exploring new ventures, appreciating people in my life, making friends, trying different things, feeling overwhelmed with good news, started taking life too seriously…………basically stopped being spontaneous…..and I think I miss it.
Today while I go through the same “wish list”- impressively with a lot of “ticks”, I came up with my first “true” New Year resolution……………………”to re-discover myself”…..
